KostComp1RevisionSheet

Comp 1 – Writer’s Revision Sheet

(what you wrote) || Revision (how it changed after feedback) || Explanation/Rule (catchy way to remember next time) || || Verb Tense ||
 * Original
 * Genre 1 –So, seeing as this is a fansite, I figure I don't have to tell my that Michael Jordan was one of the greatest ever to grace the game... but I will anyway. My favorite moment of his was that defining moment, Game 5 against the Jazz. The flu game. || Seeing as I made this site, I guess I don’t really need to say that I think Michael Jordan is one of the greatest ever to grace the game... but I will anyway. One of my favorite moment of his was that defining moment, Game 5 against the Jazz. The flu game. || Sounded dumb ||
 * Genre 1 - . but he was determined to play. During the first quarter, Jordan was basically useless due to the illness. In the second quarter, when Utah took a 16-point lead over the Bulls, Jordan suddenly was empowered and found the energy to play. He scored 17 points that quarter. However, during the third quarter, the illness recaptur him and once again he is pretty much just a 5th man. || Dehydrated and strapped with fatigue, he was determined to play. During the first quarter, Jordan is basically useless due to the illness. In the second quarter, when Utah takes a 16-point lead over the Bulls, Jordan suddenly is empowered and finds the energy to play. He scores 17 points that quarter. However, during the third quarter, the illness recaptures him and once again he is pretty much just a 5th guy on the court. || Verb Tense ||
 * Genre 1 - . In the fourth quarter, the Jazz go on a 10-0 run, and Jordan once again takes over. He sparks a rally by nailing a jumper. His team adds more points, then Jordan finishes the rally with another jumper. Late in the fourth quarter, with the score 85 Jazz - 84 Bulls, Michael is fouled. The first attempt is good, but the second misses. One of his teammates tips the ball up. Even in his weakened state, Jordan flies in and gets the rebound. He then sets up the offense once again. Jordan rifles a pass to Scottie Pippen, who is then double teamed quickly by Jordan's defender. Jordan is wide open behind the 3-pt arc. Pippen passes the ball back, and Jordan pulls the trigger, nailing the 3 pointer to take the lead 88-85. The Jazz come back and score again 88-87. The Bulls come back once again, instead of Malone fouling, they are able to throw down a dunk. 90-87 Stockton gets to the line for the Jazz, splits the free throws, making one, missing one. Game ends 90-88. || In the fourth quarter, the Jazz went on a 10-0 run, and Jordan once again took over. He sparked a rally by nailing a jumper. His team added more points, then Jordan finished the rally with another jumper. Late in the fourth quarter, with the score 85 Jazz - 84 Bulls, Michael was fouled. The first attempt was good, but the second missed. One of his teammates tipped the ball up. Even in his weakened state, Jordan flew in and got the rebound. He then set up the offense once again. Jordan rifle a pass to Scottie Pippen, who is then double teamed quickly by Jordan's defender. Jordan was wide open behind the 3-pt arc. Pippen passed the ball back, and Jordan pulled the trigger, nailing the 3 pointer to take the lead 88-85. The Jazz back and score again 88-87. The Bulls come back once again, instead of Malone fouling, they are able to a dunk. 90-87 Stockton gets to the line for the Jazz, splits the free throws, making one, missing one. Game ends 90-88.
 * Genre 1 -I found the written out recap of the game on ESPN.com. ( []

clips of the game on Youtube. [] || Here is a written recap to read – I did notice one error with the end of the game, as if the writer fell asleep and filled in the gaps. ( [] )

Here is a clip of basically the highlights, and the correct ending to the game. [] || I wrote it like I was citing - Now I wrote it as a post for the people in the discussion. ||
 * Genre 2 – Charlotte, and JVL || Charlotte and JVL || Not a compound sentence, no need for the comma ||
 * Genre 2 - such as a basketball court. James was a catalyst || He built and repaired numerous things around their home. Through this, James was a catalyst to Michael’s future basketball stardom. || Sounded choppy ||
 * Genre 2 – Whist || While || Typo ||
 * Genre 3 - Bulls win yet another NBA Championship || Bulls win NBA Championship || Hard to explain - I made everything else just a statement that happened, then I put this like I was writing another statement ||
 * Genre 4 - WE DID IT! || Im on a cloud so high I feel im never comin down. || The first statement didn't really feel like a statement a professional would say ||
 * Genre 4 - Guess mailman didn't deliver that time did he? || Removed and combined next statement || Didn't have the voice I was shooting for ||
 * Genre 4 - So what to do now...? || So now what I am going to do...? || Sounds better ||
 * Genre 4 - So now what am I going to do? || I can't believe the season's over already || Sounds better ||
 * Genre 5 - ...that was Michael, and not the elusive Michael || ...that was Michael the star, and not Michael the recluse || Sounds better ||
 * Genre 5 - He got his wish - He became || He got his wish when he became || Sounds better ||